Day 25: Haul

It’s Monday, it’s grey outside, I didn’t sleep properly, I have work piling up, and it’s not like I’m a ray of emotional sunshine either. So this is not such a great start to the week. Fortunately, retail therapy is here to save the day!

With all that doom and gloom shadowing my mood, I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon online on SuperbalistZando and Spree, adding a billion things to my shopping carts. Like I literally spend the WHOLE day browsing for clothes and accessories. BEST. THING. EVER.

I opted for the online shopping because sitting on the couch watching series while drinking wine and shopping seemed a far better option than getting dressed and driving to a store. Also, I really didn’t have energy to deal with feeling uncomfortable in the shop. I did a post earlier in the series about my “shopping while trans*” experience, and the crippling stress and anxiety that comes with it. You can read all about the panic and horror at Day 8: Shop.

Now, I do have to say that I’ve been super broke these last few months, like proper have zero money. Even though I didn’t buy too many items, I know it wasn’t the best decision to spend what I don’t have, and I shouldn’t be buying things that I can’t afford.

But sometimes you need to feel better and pretty and new, and shopping for clothes is a thing. So I feel zero guilt.

(this will come back to haunt me at the end of the month)

For the longest time, my wardrobe has pretty much been exclusively black. Very, very few items of color. Partly because black is my favorite color, but it also hides the bulging rolls of fat on my body, the “ugly” bits we’re taught to hate. I’ve struggled so much with my body image and the shame of being fat my entire life. And I’m really am tired of all that.

So I decided to buy stuff that wasn’t black, that wasn’t hiding rolls of fat, that celebrated me rather than shamed me. I bought blues, greens, greys, whites, golds, pinks, and a giant bag of confidence.

It may seem like such a tiny thing, but these little changes really impact how I feel about myself, and, in turn, how I feel about my life. So making a small change to the color of my wardrobe can be a big step in the direction of emotional wellbeing (or a big step in the direction of an online shopping addiction).

I feel really good about my choices yesterday. Some of the things will be arriving in the week so I’m super excited to rip open those boxes and try them on.

*cue clothing haul video*



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