Day 29: Selfie

#30DaysOfSelfCare

A quick tribute to the selfie

Because selfies helped me love myself.

As I’ve said many times before, I’ve always had issues with my body, and growing up being labeled as the fat kid by both my friends and family didn’t help either. It was hard, being uncomfortable in a form that everyone, including myself, had no love for. Though I loved performing and being in the spotlight, I never enjoyed having my picture taken because the thought of having that ugly thing captured on film forever was upsetting to put it mildly.

During the course of my transition, I did a lot of self-reflection and began deconstructing many of the anxieties I experienced. And that took a lot of work and a lot of time. I’m still learning, and unlearning.

In starting this series, I wanted to make a proper effort to embrace who I was and part of that was accepting that I’m not that ugly thing I once thought myself to be. And taking selfies everyday and posting that with intimate bits of my life has really gave me a confidence in myself I’ve never had before.

I know I’m just an amateur photographer who just started taking photos for this little blog, but in some of those photos, I LOOK FUCKING AMAZING! My skin is glowing, my hair’s all shiny, and I feel good about myself.

That’s a huge thing for me. People talk about loving and embracing yourself so easily but it can be so easy to forget that, for some people, it’s a really hard thing to do. And it can be the hardest thing to live in a society that others and ridicules those who don’t fit the cisgender heteronormative standards of beauty.

So here’s to all those who are considered other, who don’t fit the norm, who are censored for being who they are, who are the beating heart of all things compassionate and kind in this world. Here’s to you all. Here’s to your beauty.

And here’s to a lifetime of self- and selfie-love!

Zoey

🖤

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2 thoughts on “Day 29: Selfie

  1. Dearest Zoey,

    I’ve wanted to leave a comment on so many posts, but I just didn’t because I wasn’t sure about what to say.

    I’m a big fan of your personal stories and I’ve read every one of them. I’m sad because this is post 28, and that’s basically 30. And there were so many things I wanted to know, many of them very frivolous, like nail colour choices and brands; skincare products and how they respond to your hormone medication; where you get your hair cut; how would you describe your personal aesthetic; which of your personal belongings remind you of yourself before you were able to better understand yourself – which are you keeping, which have you discarded, mostly because my first response to the first post I read was exactly as you put it here – “YOU LOOK FUCKING AMAZING”. But I also wanted to know the difficult stuff like dating in your 20s; your functional depression (if that’s what you have, I don’t know) and how it might affect your relationships (romantic or otherwise) with other people; what you think about your parents now that they’re getting old; what your experiences of travelling while trans have been…

    Like you, I’ve felt pretty shitty after reading FOURTEEN, but it was disheartening in a useful way, I suppose. It’s not an easy thing to speak about, and I know it might seem better to not deal with it ever, and live your whole life as if it never happened. But you will rot from the inside if you don’t keep your insides clean, I’ve learnt. The posts on your self-image, like this one, were again so good (and so kak) to read. Shopping while trans was the worst – changing rooms in and of themselves are kak, now for there to be a line of tiefs with eyes on you makes it so much worse. I can’t fucking imagine.

    I hope you keep writing and publishing and caring for yourself. And, well, thank you for loving yourself enough to do all of this for us and you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-Xdm5yS6PY

    From a sister & fan.

    (P.S. Regards to C and R!)

    1. Oh Ziyana,

      Thank you thank you thank you for the Antony and The Johnsons video, it made me ugly-cry for a good 10 minutes (I so needed that).

      I’ve been holding off replying to your comment because a lot of what you asked in terms of my personal style and the relationship stuff are things that I wanted to cover in the Day 30 post. Although I didn’t mention those specifically, I definitely have so much more to share, and so I’m going to blog/vlog about them.

      So the stories will continue.

      It has been difficult writing the series, but also very therapeutic. It’s also been a high pressure creative environment where I’ve been forced to think, write and shoot everyday, and that I’ve enjoyed so much. It’s still quite a mission to produce content daily for an audience. I always panicked about what I’m going to write about on the day because it often felt like I had nothing to say. But then being in the pressure of the moment really produced some really good pieces (and some crap ones too). But I’ve learned so much, and I want to continue.

      I just wanted to say that for a very long time I’ve looked up to you, and you so often give me fire and powers. And hearing you say the things you said, and the way you said them, means so much to me.

      So I’m saying ‘thank you’. I appreciate YOU.

      I’m really wanting to bring lots more engaging content to the blog and I hope you continue to enjoy it.

      From a sister and fan, too.

      🖤

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